B. C. Straight

Things are not really going to well for me. I mean life is good, I love where I’m at right now, its other things that is not good, if you get that good.

I want to post phone my story. I am not in the mood to write. Sorry Ehud, I promise, no I won’t promise cuz unlike God mine will sheter (know I miss spell) your hopes. Things are just not in the right place to me to concentrate right at his moment.

What I have been thinking:

Who am I to tell what is God’s plan for another?

I’m healthy, but I’m not healthy.

Been thinking more than I’ve eaten in days. A few days ago, I went camping myself by a river (with no food) just so that I could stay up and think. I’ve think and thought, but I can’t share it at the moment.

I’ve been running and working out, but the more I do, I feel my body is falling apart. “I’m falling apart. Barely breathing cuz of broken heart that still beating and the pain, is there healing?” Lifehouse, Broken.

Why is it physical pain heals faster than emotional, if I may call?

Due to poor nutritions, being eight years old, that is where Bora’s childhood memory begins. And this could go for both his two sisters too.

For the sake of being on the same page: A man, by the name of Pol Pot, wanted to start a new society, beginning from year zero. Being taught under a communist teacher, Pol Pot had to kill all the educated so that he would not have to deal with any uprise. Because of this, one third of Cambodians where mascred. Thus, the country is still under construction to recovery.

*note: It is so hard for me to write in third person, so I’m going to switch to first person.

Although Pol Pot died way before I was born, his men were still trying to year zero-ed the country, due to lack of communication. One of the places that they were trying to take over was my home town, Sambo, the name means “The Land of Richness”.

My father was one of the generals fighting to hold those men back. He himself was wounded countless of times. Those many wounds, advendually became the cause of his death. He had surgeries upon surgeries, but the doctors were not advance enough to dig into his back bone to clean out the stripnals, to prevent rusting. He died before I properly reached nine.

I never had a “real” father and son relationship. There is almost nothing that I could recall to distinguish a father and a son. There are three times that I remember interacting with my dad. One, “don’t touch or play with my gun.” That one, I did not listen, let alone obey, thus, this leads to number two: bang bang bang…I was informed by my mother that I was out for three days. Yep, I was beaten out of my conscienceness…sigh…third, my dad made me fishing pools so that I could fish for the family.

The rest is history, it was around midnight when I was gently awakend and was informed that my dad had taken his last breath and is no longer alive. One thing that I don’t quite get is that how come I was not awakend before, but after he die. I just don’t get it. Why??? Being told to grow up before I even had the chance to know what it means, I did not cry at his funeral at all. However, I had to shave my head along with two of my half brothers (from my dad’s first marriage). Killing your curiousity: To have your head shave when your dad die is a sign of homage, accourding to Bhuddist’s beliefs. I also remember being told not to look back as I walk away from my dad’s burial grounds. Of that, I was told that if you do, the dead will haunt you for the rest of your life. Because I was afraid of ghosts, I strictly opened that regulation.

You might notice that I am flying through my story like eating cheeze cake, well, I thought about being detailed like the books that I read, but being an impatient young man that I am, I chose not too because I remember getting frustrated with those authors for dragging things so long. Yet, that is how their books made it to markets. I’m not planning to publish story, so I’ll keep it short and simple to the point. At least for now, maybe for the future, I’ll make it long, the unabridge version.

Life for me sucks already to begin with, however, it was even sucker after my dad die. The reason is because my dad’s side did not want him to marry my mom to begin with because she was half Veitnamese. Cambodians, Thai, and Veitnamese hate each other guts, and I mean it, fighting all the time just like dogs and cats from as long as our history begin. I am not going into details here because we all have our different opinions of why we fight.

As the night descent, the clock struck 6. Eight years old Bora had to get up along with his two sisters: Rena & Pahnette and run outside to hide with his gentle and loving mother. From what, you may wonder? ‘Tis the dark time of Cambodia where everyman is for himself. By morning fall, it is fresh wounds and newly dead men that must be attended or buried away. Education is not an option because there was non. Now, starting college in The Master’s College is Bora’s new beginnings.

Due to the fact that I’m reading like crazy these days. I was inspired by those books to start writing one myself, although they won’t be that good.

I do not know how long this book of mine is going to be, but I want it to be as long as I could write without changing to something else.

This book or better term short stories taken from real facts that involves with my existence is dedicated to Ehud Seng because he is going through some tough time right now.

Tittle: As I was reading my 836 pages book, the main character mentioned that the toture that he was getting felt like *living death*. I love the oxymoron, thats why I named this piece the way it is.

First of all, what do you know about living and what do I know about death?

pause…pause…pause

I haven’t a clue about living or death, I’m too young to know the different between both, maybe living, but not death, I have not got there yet and if I did, I wouldn’t be living it to tell you. Did you catch that word play. Its okay to say no!

Let’s get serious here:

I had to live or die. Those were the two choices that I had to chose after my dad passed away and my mom left me. So, I know how to live thats about it.

Still not so serious! Well, I decided to post this, as some of you might know, I just finished The Great Divorce. Before I say another word, I would like to state it very clearly that I do not get the book at all. It was just a bunch of conversations that the main character overheard and said himself. If someone out there that have a better understanding of the book, please write me.

So, here is how I understand it: What we do now (here on earth), we are actually doing it for the future (after we die).

Everyday, we are faced with choices to make. I don’t know about you, but I chose to live and live it well. Death could only take me now, if God permits it. (I feel like I’m not making any senses at all, please forgive me.) It goes the same with you.

Well, I had better go and brush my teeth before I should post anything else. If you feel like you did not get anything out of this post, please forgive me. I’m weird like that. I like to write stuff that does not really make sense. Maybe next time.

note: I came to think about writing this piece of mind after I read Kaitlyn’s blog.

So here goes:

Just to clear the title up, I’m not naming a specific girl that I’ve met to be THE one, rather I’m simply about to piece my mind onto this blog.

Too often time, when, let say a guy meet a girl or vice visa, after only a short notice of one another, a formulation take shape: “Ah, I think he (or in my case) she is the one…” I proceed on and dwell there allowing no disturbance. Is this the right move? I have to honestly argue that it is mere stupidity that enables me to play on in THIS childish way. Being a 19 years old male, admitting that too many times have I allow myself to hurt anoher or be hurted. Which is which, if I may ask? Grown ups would score 100% if any of them were faced with such questions, but what about we: the littlilings?

A favorite song of mine: What Becomes of the Broken Hearted is brought to mind, What are we suppose to do when such an occurance actioned? Some move on like nothing has ever happen (ignoring the livily pain). Me, I fell and crash and burn. Did it once back in my freshman year of high school. Never hope to ever do it again. Yet, I find myself crashed over and over. Why–is the BIG question here? I just don’t get it. God wired each and everyone of us in countlessly unique ways. Yet. Yet. Yet. We, over and over, like Isaiah wrote, go back and drink the water from the toilet. When are we going to learn how to thirst from the cistern of our Loving Father??? When???

Looking at this from the spect of time, I have caught myself eating my own vomit over and over more than I drink from the cistern of God.

Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. One may skitically point out. Before I progress onward, may I ask why point a finger? Have we ever simply stop and brush our own teeth before telling our fellow neighbors that his teeth stings?

Sigh…

This is so out of me. What am I saying, or better yet, try to say here?

Well, there you brought it up, so here it is. The fullof it.

Stop (I’m talking to myself here, but you are welcome to join in) stinking libels! And I mean it, stop! Why can we just thrieve to be friends and nothing else? Why? I do realize here that calling that someone that we long for friend is also puttin libels, (before you start to point your finger at me, or me you) notice that I leave out the prefix..aka…boy/girl. Com’on, we are too young to waste the enjoyment of live. Leave it alone and stop outgrowing yourself. One thing that I don’t quite understand: adults tell us kids to grow up, and yet it is our childhood that they like to bring up. Did you know that is not what God meant for you (and in most cases: me) be that way. I mean look at the plain truth, Jesus did not just appear as a full grown male and die on the cross, he had to go through childhood and enjoy the simplicity of it, e.g. running around and getting lost in the temple. Hello? Where have you been?

Ok, what is the whole point of this? I don’t know…

Haven’t you find it yourself? I mean you are smart and all grown up. You know all the answers to all the questions. Mind telling me too?

Sigh…

Point is:

Don’t try to grow up, the day will come. Let God take care. Now, I’m not telling you to drop school or not start school, rather I’m simply suggesting you to let live be the way The Creator intended it to be, and nothing more. Rather than break the rules, obey them. They are there not to hurt bike you, but to guide you to the way of maturity. Or, don’t listen to me because what do B know being a 19 years older. No biggy, I’m not feeding you. There you have it. I’m only point four fingers at myself. Judge for yourself, which is stronger, four fingers against one finger? You win.

So, chose for yourself. I can’t make you brush your teeth, all that I can do is give you the tooth brush.

#1

“Sitting here all by myself,”

As I ‘can’ memory to shelf.

Sadly, all begin in the self.

#2

“No man is an island.”

Thus, I thought of Kaitlyn,

The perfect way she stand.

#3

Umm…where did I meet her?

Was not during dinner…

Ah! A race to her locker.

#4

Kai, part of my memory?

We all know, she’s not Sony,

But, she host a great story.

#5

Again, why out of all, Kai?

Is it because she is shy?

Being me, that, I wouldn’t buy.

 

 

Girls scream for attention.

To Kai, there is no flirtation.

Everything has firm foundation.

#7

In Kai, I see the Lord.

Jesus Christ is her Board.

The Holy Bible is her sword.

#8

In class, Kai is my heroine.

I wish she is my vitamin,

Just like Saint Augustine.

#9

Within Kai, life is not a game.

She operates with an aim.

This has brought her fame.

#10

As we take leave and part,

Kai, you are still in my heart.

Your smile strike me like a dart.

#11

Let’s maintain our friendship.

Shun distance! Jump on the ship,

As we rise into leadership.

Verse 1: I usually write poetry by myself. When a new chapter is about to begin, I often think and pray to prepare myself for the good byes, thus: “’can’ memory to shelf”. Notice the ‘I usually…I often…” As a race of the humanity, self is the center, unfortunately.

Verse 2: William Shakespeare is right, “no man is an island.” It does not matter how hard we try to disregard the people around us, they are still apart of us, as we battle to move forward. Hint. Hint: “I thought of Kaitlyn”. I love the sound of Kaitlyn more than Kai, I think I’m going to call you Kaitlyn from now on.

Verse 3: For each and every one of us, there is a unique way of how and where we meet. To me, I met Kai way before we ‘raced to her locker’, but I would like to mark that ordained occasion as the start of our friendship.

Verse 4: Being born into homo sapient society, I like to classify people’s ‘story’ onto Plato’s latter, top being the best. Kai are one of those people. But, wait, I never even hear Kai’s story and how did she made the top list? What comes from the mouth is from the heart (Proverbs, I forgot the chapter and verse). Never, a time have I seen Kai degraded another human being; rather, what she says only cheers them up, at least for me personally.

Verse 5: I don’t have to say anything here for I believe that it is very self-explained.

Verse: Many have mistaken that if only I be a bit louder, he or she would notice me. This is so not Kai. I have to argue that silent is golden (like it’s my original idea…hahaha.). Kai’s quietness radiates louder than a jet breaking the speed of sound. Her peace gives me peace, e.g. whenever I’m like, ah, I need to get this done and ah, this too; in plain, when life is, “I just want to die.” Seeing Kai in the hallway reversed everything.

Verse 7: It’s true! I see God even in Kai’s very eyes. Just the way she dresses. Oh! My Gosh! Jesus is so there. Now, ‘the Holy Bile is her sword’ is a bit of a stretch for me because I have never seen Kai read her Bible; however, I am assuming that she actually does that at home because one day, I was invited to party at her house. I thought that it was going to be party party. Nope, I was wrong. To her, watching a documentary on Islam to better understand them so that she could be a better witness and praying is actually a party! How many of us consider praying as a party? To be honest, I’m not even close.

Verse 8: I thought about having this verse in place of the final one after working on the draft, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to do it cuz hero is a guy’s term, so I’m just going to add it here:

# Extra

In class, Kai is my hero

With her, I don’t get zero

Which is better than Nero

Kai does not like to waste precious time given in class, rather she work diligently and get work done. Whenever there is a group work opportunity, I always want to be with Kai or Kaylee Sherman. I hope the ‘vitamin’ does not offend you. I did it just to rythmeNow, onto St. Augustine. I am a lot like him, if you haven’t read Confession or City of God, I would highly recommend it.

Verse 9: As we all witnessed, Kai is so smart. Highest grades in class, and if I heard correctly, she scored 35 out of 36 in her ACT. I mean, who does that? Oh, by the way, the speech at graduation was amazing!

Verse 10: “A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak, a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace” Ecclesiastes 3:2-8. I know I know, you might be saying, what in the Sam hell is he smoking? Good question! If you haven’t notice, verse ten talks about leaving and [de]parting. I would like to add here that there is “a time to meet and a time to part”. And yes Kai, you have been such a big friend to me this year (don’t take BIG literal…hahaha…lol, thought you might caught my humor). But seriously, just seeing you smile, encourages me to keep going. As you might know, I enrolled FRCS knowing no body, except the name Nancy Parker, who signed my I-20.

Verse 11: As I have written over and over in thank you cards and yearbook signature, “I pray that graduation won’t be the cause of our-not-keeping-in-touch, thus I imbedded this onto the poem. Distances may be far, but Kai, don’t forget that we serve the same LORD and Savior Jesus Christ, receive heat from the same Sun light, look at the same moon—just different time and places. Some theologians have even gone on to say that we are standing under the same rain that Jesus stood under over 2000 years ago, and breathe the same oxygen molecules that he did. Usually, the nerdy kids are the one that lead the country, not the party one. Kai, you and I are pretty much on the same page. We may lead a completely different country once we are done with college, but we are still leaders. By then, I believe that we will have the funds to travel to see each other, if we are still friends.

Note: Okay! I agree, this has been way to long. Thanks for reading thus far. Oh, I personally hate #6 (don’t ask me why) that’s why I disregarded it when numbering the verses, notice?

by: Bora “Peter” Chheang

 

P.S. Originally, I was going to write only seven verses, but as I come to the close, there was too much more stuff that I did not cover. Seven, being God’s number that is. Now, there are eleven verses because # 11 is my favorite number. If you haven’t noticed, I wore #11 during basketball season.

P.S.S. Regarding the title! You could read in to it into two different ways. One, Here Without You, yes, we are done with high school, thus, we are not together. Two, HERe WITHout YOU, just read the capital letters, Kai, we use to go to school together, hint. Hint. You (HER) use to go to school WITH me (YOU). This could go both ways: you and me or you and your family as you head of to college.

The girls were beautiful
Dinner made us full
Forbidden Kingdom was wonderful

Same took days
Same hours
Same minutes

Pictures were awesome
‘Cuz guys were handsome
———-In Khmer———–

Dinner was fine
We didn’t have wine
———In Khmer———–

At Jess, we played
I prayed
——–In Khmer—–

We played Wii
At Natalii
Tired —In Khmer—

My hair is darker
My skin is tanner
My height is shorter
My weight is lighter

You’re so disturb
Living in the sub-burb
Love is a verb
Go eat some herb

You’re not a clerk
Don’t call me jerk
I was handiwork
Let us all smirk

To every perparation
There’s a permission
That begin wiht a question
Live perfection

I think I’m lost

On the first day of school here at
FRCS, I felt like Kyle XY. Now
that its my last real school day,
I feel like Kyle XY again. All
the seniors are, “Yeah its our
last day.” They are cheering
in the hall way, I’m like sure
its my last day, most of the
people, I can’t relates, so I’m
lost…just took my last Latin
test…did alright, my semester
grade is 93%. We watched
Lord of the Flies in British Literature.
I wasn’t paying attention at all ‘Cuz
I was writing two poems for
Angela K & Danielle Wade cuz i told
then that I would before I leave. So
I did, now I just have to show it to them.